Magnetic Pages Article | 1992-09-02 | 3KB | 21 lines
MPARTICLE
SPELLCHECKERS!
$ Spellcheckers are the most annoying%things to ever walk this planet. They#persist in changing all my articles%so that their serious meaning is lost%when I have the checker on automatic,"but if I do leave it off, then the"damn article ends up with mistypes (or as the spellchecker insists,
multiples) and spelling errors!everywhere. In a way, leaving the$checker off is the lesser of the two%evils, because the checker insists on
spelling everything in bloody
American. You do get some gems#though, with words slipping through!the nets of sanity. Try these for$size. If a girl is 'playing footsie'
with you under a table in a
restaurant, rubbing her feet up%against your legs amourously, dont be"surprised if she puts the palms of!her hands together and gets out a
camera, because she is actually"praying photoing. Next time you go
out to the pub, or to a party, beware, because if you drink too much, you will split in two down!the middle. This is because being"pissed is actually being bisected.#While at the pub, be careful not to%criticize anybody, because if you do,"according to the spellchecker, you#will be cricifying them instead. If$you are at a party, take a good look at the host, because Matty Levan$(party animal !) is actually Naughty#Leaker. While at this party, if you
see couples on the sofa humping"away, they may be on fire, using a#tractor, or even letting their dogs"shit on the settee or bed they are!occupying. This is simply because#fucking is actually fuming, farming$or fouling (not to mention funning!) PVFC's bit of stuff (allegedly),
Melanie Gordon (phwough...) is#actually a gas-filled pouch because
she is a Methane Gourd. Our own#superbabe, Jaz X is unfortunately a"Yak 10 according to spellcheckers.#The most famous British playwright,%whose masterpieces include "Grime and%Gusset" (Romeo and Juliet), "Toehold"
(Othello), and "Gulps Scarier"
(Julius Caeser) was not William Shakespere, he was actually Wily%Shopkeeper. PVFC, our editor had been"found out by my spellchecker to be PSYCHO !!! (We have a Mr. Norman#Bates on our staff.) Whoa spooky !!$!(Shower scene, naked woman etc..) I!am sorry its all too much for me."Bibble, Bibble. I'm under a lot of
stress. See you later, Radish"(Radiohead) fans. ("That bloke's a